Here We Come A'Caroling
by Negotiatrix
Summary: T’was the night before Christmas and Section Nine is about to unearth a disturbing secret: A discovery so horrifying that more than one member of the team will never sleep well again.
1. Chapter 1

My first non-Cowboy Bebop fic! More of an SAC fic, but there is a connection with the second movie later in the story.Oh, andGhost in the Shell characters and world in SAC and the movies are not my intellectual property. This story is. -Neg

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Here We Come A' Caroling

"Come on Ishikawa! You'll live through it, I promise!" Togusa was actually begging now. He turned to Paz and said, "It will mean so much to her. She used to go out every year in America, but she's embarrassed to here. She thinks no one does it in Japan."

"She's right, Togusa. No one does it in Japan," was the dry response.

"Does what?" asked the Major, entering the conference room.

"Christmas caroling," moaned five voices in unison. Aramaki chuckled and rose to acknowledge the Major's entrance. Togusa punched Ishikawa on the arm in annoyance, then slumped down on the sofa.

Ishikawa gestured to the crestfallen Togusa and said, "The ambassador of Christmas here has been trying to convince us to go sing for his wife, and then..." Everyone shuddered as he continued, "He wants us to go to out to other people's houses and sing for _them_!"

Major sat on the arm of the sofa and looked inquiringly at Togusa . "Christmas caroling," he explained. " My wife used to do it in America as a child. A group of people would go around to other houses and sing Christmas songs for them. She's all nostalgic about it this year and I thought it'd be a great surprise if we all went caroling with her." He sighed and looked away. "I can't get any of these turkeys to do it." He turned back to thegroup, "How about if weonly go to my place?She'd love it if we just came over and sang one stupid carol for her and the kids."

No one responded. The Major looked around the room, noting each face, and the conspicuous absence of a certain one. She met Aramaki's eyes and asked, "Where's Batou?"

"He went home already." A grin began to spread across the Major's face as Aramaki continued, "These fellows were about to go do some public drinking until Togusa's big idea. We're all done here until after the holiday, barring any unforseen political emergencies of course."Heading for the door, he said, "I'll see you all next week."

Still grinning, the Major watcheduntil the door clicked behind him. She stood up, suddenly deadly serious, and announced, "Okay! We are all going to Togusa's and singing! Since I don't trust any of you to meet me there, I will drive." Stunned silence filled the room and no one moved.

"This is a direct order from your superior officer and I expect it to be obeyed!" the Major boomed. Then she smiled again and added, "And after we sing there, I'm going to take you someplace special for an encore performance." Something about the tone of her voice and the twinkle in her eyes made Saito and Paz perk up. They looked at each other, then in unison saluted the Major and bolted for the door. Motoko herded Ishikawa and Borma into the hallway and Togusa followed, bemused.

On the way to his house, Togusa rode in the front of the personnel carrier with the Major. He couldn't contain himself any longer and finally asked, "Where are we going that's got Paz and Saito so worked up?" The Major glanced sideways at him, then answered mysteriously, "Oh, they're just thinking of the last time I took them someplace special!"

Togusa looked confused for a moment, then blinked in surprise and said, "Umm, well, I think I'll just skip that part, you know, being a family man and all." Laughing out loud now Major said, "No, Togusa! You_ have_ to come and I promise you, your wife won't mind where we're going!" She glanced through the window into the back of the carrier and in a lower voice added, "Paz and Saito may be disappointed however!"

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Next time: Where is the Major taking them and what mystery awaits them there? You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out the disturbingcontinuation to our story! Look forward to it please! 


	2. Chapter 2

In the parking lot there was a lively discussion over which carol to sing. In spite of his having started the whole thing, Togusa now left the planning to the Major. She suggested title after title, but always only a couple of the men knew each song. Ishikawa privately wondered how she knew so many Christmas songs.

"So, someone tell me a song he _does_ know," the Major demanded, showing rare exasperation.

"How about Feliz Navidad?" suggested Saito, and there was a murmur of agreement from nearly everyone.

"Feliz Navidad?" exclaimed Togusa. "I don't know that! What is that, Spanish or something? How on earth would you all know it?"

Saito shrugged, "South America," was all he said. The rest of the guys laughed ruefully, a more somber mood suddenly taking over the group.

Paz broke the tension by laughing and said, "See Togusa, we really did need you for some variety in the Section! You're not just the only family man, you're also the only one of us who didn't serve in South America in some fashion." He draped his arms around Saito and Borma and cheerfully bellowed, "Come on! Let's get going then so we can get to the fun afterwards!"

"Togusa, since you don't know the song anyway, go get your wife and kids ready for this experience and we'll wait outside the door," the Major ordered as they moved toward the stairs.

The caroling was a success by any standards that don't include accuracy of pitch or lyrics, but it still brought tears to Togusa's eyes to see how happy his wife was. The children gleefully climbed all over everyone. They were especially fascinated with Ishikawa's beard, asking if he was Santa Claus' brother. When they began to pull on it, Ishikawa got particularly nervous. Togusa laughed and shooed the childrenoff to bed.

"I'd like to serve you some egg nog in thanks," Togusa's wife offered the group shyly.

"It's a traditional Christmas drink," Togusa explained.

"I don't know," Ishikawa said, "I'm not too keen on drinking eggs anymore after this one time . . . " He broke off and grimaced when Borma laughed at him.

"Oh, it's more than eggs, it has bourbon and rum too!" Togusa's wife was quick to reassure him.

"Well then! I suppose I can't let bourbon go to waste," Ishikawa decided.

When those who wanted to had all sampled some egg nog, Saito and Paz couldn't be held any longer and insisted that they move on. The Major looked at the clock thoughtfully, then said, "Yes, I think we can go now," smiling around at everyone.

"You sure are in a good mood Major," Togusa commented.

"I'm just looking forward to spreading some more Christmas cheer," she replied. Saito and Paz heartily endorsed this idea, being very full of liquid cheer now themselves, and the Section finally made its farewells.

Back in the personnel carrier, Togusa had reclaimed his seat in the front with the Major. He had to admit that now his curiosity was piqued. More off-key singing was heard from the back, though it definitely wasn't a Christmas song. In fact, it sounded suspiciously like something bawdy from the late twentieth century. After a few minutes he thought he recognized the part of town they were in. When the Major parked on a side street next to a convenience shop with apartments over it, he was pretty sure he knew where they were. Coming out of the back of the carrier, the rest of the guys knew where they were too.

"Hey! This isn't . . . "

"Are we picking up Batou too?"

"Yeah! Batou wouldn't want to miss this!"

"Oh I don't know about that," Togusa heard the Major say under her breath.

In the elevator on the way up the Major switched to private net communication, "_Everyone get on the channel I'm on and stay there. This is now a covert operation, do you understand?_" The chatter that had filled the small space was instantly gone as five heads turned to the Major in shock. Togusa wondered if there was something wrong, but the smirk on the Major's face relieved him somewhat. Saito, Paz and Borma looked at each other questioningly, but their unison "Yes, sir!" echoed in everyone's head. Ishikawa suddenly had a bad feeling, but kept it to himself.

As the group came up to Batou's door they slowed, waiting for orders on how they would proceed. The Major pushed to the front and swiftly entered a long string of numbers on the doorpad. A soft sweeping and the door was open, revealing a spartan living area. "_Follow my lead,_" the Major signaled, and led the way into the darkened apartment.

Togusa was surprised by the relative neatness. It was shabby to be sure, but not the typical bachelor dump he'd expected either. He looked to Ishikawa for some indication of what was going on, but was answered with a shrug. Without any hesitation the Major went to one of the doors off the hallway, and paused for everyone to gather behind her. Irregular snoring could be heard from the other side of the door.

"_Since it's the only appropriate song you all know, get ready to sing Feliz Navidad again on my mark_," came the Major's voice in their heads. The nature of their operation here finally dawned on the group and several sniggers were hastily suppressed. The Major carefully opened the door of Batou's bedroom and the five men slipped inside with all the stealth that only a team of covert operatives had. Togusa, Paz and Saito kneeled with Borma and Ishikawa behind them. The Major began her count, "_Three, two, one, MARK!"_ and flipped on the light switch.

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What dark secret is revealed by the light? Why has the Major brought them here? Just what is the meaning of all this? And where are the Tachikomas? Check back in a few days for the exciting conclusion!

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I just couldn't resist the natural cliff-hanger here! -Neg 


	3. Chapter 3

And now, the dramatic conclusion to our tale...

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The Major began her count, "_Three, two, one, MARK!_" and flipped on the light switch. As the lights came on, everyone began singing at a deafening volume. No one got past the second 'Feliz Navidad' however once the large bundle of sheets on the bed began moving. Time seemed to come to a stand still as the sheets were thrown back revealing. . . Really, it was just too much to have to. . .

It was a night cap.

It was fuzzy.

It had some sort of cheerful face on it, like a cartoon character. Worst of all, it was on Batou's head. In the total silence that met this discovery, none of the guys at first realized that the enraged cyborg _wearing_ the nightcap was lunging for them. Borma was able to sidestep at the last moment, causing Batou to crash into the wall.

Batou stood without saying a word and turned around, brushing off plaster dust. He crouched, ready to spring again, but hesitated. Togusa took advantage of the moment to try and defuse the situation. "Ummm, Merry Christmas," he started, wincing at the lameness of his own words.

Batou relaxed slightly, then bellowed, "Damn it! What theHELL is going on? How the hell did you get in here, Togusa! I know the Major has something to do with this!" He stalked back to his bed, bumping into Paz on the way. "Who else exactly_ is_ here anyway?" he demanded.

The men looked at each other, then back at Batou, confused. It didn't last long though when they beheld the nightcap again. Sniggers erupted, causing Batou to growl and mutter under his breath as he searched for something.

The Major, forgotten until now by the rest, chuckled. Six heads snapped around to the doorway where she stood, idly juggling two small, metallic objects. "Looking for these?" she asked helpfully, holding up his eyes. "I told you I would get you back!" she taunted him.

Batou yelled, "YOU!" and seemed ready to rush her, but then sat down on the bed. "That was two damn years ago! I thought for sure you had forgotten!" he muttered, shocked.

"Really Batou. You should know that a woman never forgets," the Major said, walking over to stand in front of him. "I've just been biding my time, waiting for the right moment."

Batou lunged to his feet, towering over her. "I can't believe you would hold a grudge that long! And that was nothing compared to this! Was it necessary to bring the whole damn section!"

Unintimidated, the Major responded, "I consider this a little training exercise. I didn't even need optical camo to get by you and snag these while you were defending your honor a moment ago!" "_Get ready for a delivery, guys_," she communicated privately to the rest of the group.

"How about a trade then? Here," she guided Batou's hand to her outstretched palm. As soon as Batou's fingers closed around the eyes, she reached up and snatched the nightcap off of his head, flinging it over her shoulder. Saito dove in front of Togusa and snatched it from the air, then ran out, whooping. Paz was hot on his heels, and the rest of the guys couldn't help but join in the fun. From the relative safety of the living area, they took turns loudly speculating about the reasons behind Batou's choice of nightwear.

Batou strode out of the bedroom, now fully dressed and followed by the Major. The guys began tossing the nightcap in the air, daring him to get it back. Batou refused to rise to the bait. "Let's go," he said shortly. "I need a drink."

"Finally!" Paz and Saito cheered, but the Major stepped in front of them.

"Just where is it you think we are going?" she asked, smiling serenely. "This is the 'someplace special' I was talking about, you know. Besides, the last time I took you somewhere we couldn't get a decent day's work out of either of you two for a week! Batou gets to pick our watering hole tonight. I think he deserves it, don't you?" then she went on ahead out the door.

Batou put his arms around Paz and Saito's slumped shoulders and grinned wickedly. "So, she tricked you did she? Well, I know just what we can do about that!" he was saying as they left. Borma, Ishikawa and Togusa brought up the rear, eager to hear Batou's plan.

As he shut the door behind him, Ishikawa looked at the security keypad, then turned and called out, "Hey Batou! You ever think about getting a dog?"

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Now you know the awful truth. But wait! Have our little blue friends been left out? Up next, a little Christmas bonus for you...

-Neg


	4. Chapter 4

TACHIKOMATIC DAYS

Tachikoma One: Hey guys! Look at this!

Tachikoma Two and Three: Ooooooo!

Tachikoma Four: What? What? I wanna seeeeee!

Tachikoma One: The Major and the guys are all singing! They sound terrible!

Tachikoma Two: Yeah! How creepy!

Tachikoma Three: Hey, now they're going to Batou's place!

Tachikoma Four: Lemme see! Lemme seeeeee!

Tachikoma One: They're going to surprise him . . .

Tachikoma Two: But, they'll never be able to break Mr. Batou's door code!

Tachikoma One, Two and Three: OOOH!

Tachikoma One: The Major . . . she had the code already!

Tachikoma Three: I wonder how she knew it?

Tachikoma Two: Why would Mr. Batou tell . . .?

Tachikoma Four: Tee! Hee! Hee!

Tachikoma One, Two and Three: What? Tell us!

Tachikoma Four: Hee! Hee!

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Okay, if you've only seen GITS on Cartoon Network then you have missed the absolute BEST part of each episode: Tachikomatic Days! It's a funny little bonus at the end of each episode with the Tachikomas talking among themselves, or explaining something to the audience. For example, the tachikoma life cycle is amazing like that of a grasshopper and hermit crab!

The idea for this storycame from the Tachikomatic Days at the end of eps. 21 and 22 in the first season. Having been decommissioned, the tachikomas are in "heaven" -with cute little halos and everything- and they are watching their old Section Nine buddies on a monitor. After ep. 21 they observe Batou getting ready for bed and are amazed to see that he wears a nightcap and takes out his eyes before going to sleep! It's Ishikawa's turn to get spied on after ep. 22 and that little surprise is even better! I'll have to leave it for you to find out for yourself though.

I hadn't planned on the tachikomas being in the story at all, but so many people mentioned them I had to do something. So I gave them another Tachikomatic Days! I hope you aren't too disappointed!

-Neg


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